How to stop caring what people think

Hey everyone today we are going to learn how to stop caring what people think now let’s begin.

Imagine you have to do a group project for class the other people in your group seem pretty smart and outspoken

so you step back and let them run the show but as you’re working on your project

you realize it isn’t turning out that great you think about telling your group members that you want to make some changes

but you’re worried that they’re going to get mad or make fun of you

you ultimately decide to keep your mouth shut

so when it comes time for your group to turn in your project you end up getting a bad grade

what went wrong ??

this is a very common situation for people struggling to develop confidence or overcome insecurity

when you have a great idea or a strong opinion about something you back down

simply because you’re scared of what other people will think or say oftentimes we obsess about worst-case scenarios

where everything that can go wrong does go wrong in our heads these scenarios seem absolutely terrifying

even if the reality isn’t scary at all

if it’s really that simple why do so many people struggle with these same insecurities

to answer that question let’s look at something called a cognitive distortion

cognitive distortions are biased and often irrational ways to view the world around us which we accidentally reinforced on a daily basis

they can create anxieties doubts and fears by building upon a foundation of faulty assumptions and misinformation

in other words people over exaggerate and over generalize all the time

for example let’s say that you’re on a stage giving a speech and someone in the audience laughs

A laugh can mean a lot of different things but in this context your brain may automatically assume

That they’re laughing at you once you’ve decided that they’re laughing at you all other logical options seem to disappear

Another person very well could have leaned over and told them a joke

But your brain is so stuck in this negative thought pattern that it won’t even consider any other possibilities

Since you probably don’t make a habit of second-guessing your own brain you end up feeling embarrassed shameful and sad about something that may have had nothing to do with you

If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety and insecurity you may jump to these disastrous conclusions a few times a day

It’s very easy to assume that every negative thing that happens around you is a product of your own failures and mistakes

In fact these feelings are so strong that your brain will do everything it can to avoid putting you in a similar situation

So when you’re thinking about talking to your group members about changing the project your brain is worried about a worst-case scenario that essentially doesn’t exist

if you let them these negative assumptions can completely control your life so you need to learn how to identify and overcome your irrational fears

To help you do just that here are four strategies you can use if you care too much about what other people think

Obstacles — Next time you find yourself backing away from an opportunity just because you’re scared of being judged take a minute to ask yourself this one important question what is the worst thing that could happen

oftentimes when we’re panicking about that worst-case scenario we don’t actually take the time to organize and think through our feelings

Instead our brains become a whirlwind of negative emotions like fear and shame that prevent us from making intelligent decisions

when your brain is scared of something it will always seek out the safest possible course which is usually to avoid the situation completely

If you’re worried about messing up a speech your brain will tell you not to give one

If you’re nervous about talking to new people your brain will convince you that you’re better off alone

but is that really true

By forcing yourself to answer the question of what is the worst thing that could happen you’re making your brain analyze those emotional and often illogical choices

once you slow down and look a bit closer you’ll realize that those negative outcomes either don’t make sense or aren’t actually that bad if you do mess up your speech couldn’t

you just correct yourself and keep going

if you start talking to a new person and they’re mean to you can’t you just leave and talk to someone else

because your brain is instinctively programmed to protect you it will make these kinds of mistakes pretty often

So whenever you notice your anxiety is controlling your behavior takes a few minutes to think it through and decide whether or not your fears are worth being afraid of
Flip the situation — when you step into any social situation it’s tempting to believe that everyone in the room is watching you

for example, if you spill food on your shirt you might start panicking because it feels like everyone just saw you do something really embarrassing and will criticize you for it

Psychologists have called this extremely common state of mind the imaginary audience

Since people frequently feel like they’re the center of attention whether they want to be or not what most people don’t realize however is that everyone no matter how well-liked talented or intelligent they may be is a person just like you

chances are they have their own set of fears and insecurities that they’re also worried about everyone else noticing

So when you’re concerned about what other people will think to try flipping the situation around if you saw someone else accidentally spill food on their shirt

what do you think badly about them would you think that they’re dumb gross or clumsy

99% of the time the answer is going to be no so why should you be worried when the same exact situation happens to you
Redirect insults — Imagine you want to become a professional artist but up until now, I’ve been too scared to show your work to anyone

you’re worried that people will hate or insult it so you’ve always kept it to yourself

one day you finally work up the courage to show a few paintings online you get a bunch of feedback some positive and some negative

Until one person writes a mean comment saying that you have zero talent and are wasting your time

The truth is that people tend to hurt others like this when they themselves are feeling hurt in some way

This situation is especially common online because of how easy it is to stay anonymous and hide behind our computer screens

When someone does bash something you worked really hard on it’s important to remember that it’s more of a reflection on them than it is on you

while this might seem like a very specific situation tuning hateful people out is actually an important skill to learn

while you’re working on stepping out of your comfort zone there will always be people who don’t like you

now I’m not talking about the people who offer you constructive criticism because negative comments are valuable to help you learn and grow

if someone tells you that you’re making a mistake but is doing it to allow you to recognize and fix your own flaws that person is worth listening to

But there will also be people who simply want to see you fail life is full of them so you need to learn who to listen to and who to tune out

This will help you to stop caring what others think
Understand yourself — one of the biggest reasons we spend so much time focusing on what other people think is because we believe our happiness depends on our relationships

we think that if we don’t win over the people in our class or at work then we’re going to feel empty and left out

These negative thoughts often stem from a deeper insecurity which tells you that you need to spend less time worrying about other people and more time getting to know yourself

even people with dozens of friends can struggle with anxiety and social fears because they’ve let themselves be defined by the people around them

You might have spent your whole life latched on to close friends and family so you never develop the independence or self-confidence to stop caring about

How other people view you luckily there’s a very simple solution take some time to get to know who you are as an individual figure out what you really like and what your dreams are

Because you might discover that you’re a dramatically different person on your own it’s much easier to overcome insecurity when you’re being true to who you are

So instead of letting your relationships define who you are let who you define who you spend your time with

I am sure you will get better results after applying and you will stop caring what people think.