Hey everyone today we are going to learn how to stop caring what people think now let’s begin.

Imagine you have to do a group project for class the other people in your group seem pretty smart and outspoken
so you step back and let them run the show but as you’re working on your project
you realize it isn’t turning out that great you think about telling your group members that you want to make some changes
but you’re worried that they’re going to get mad or make fun of you
you ultimately decide to keep your mouth shut
so when it comes time for your group to turn in your project you end up getting a bad grade
what went wrong ??

this is a very common situation for people struggling to develop confidence or overcome insecurity
when you have a great idea or a strong opinion about something you back down
simply because you’re scared of what other people will think or say oftentimes we obsess about worst-case scenarios
where everything that can go wrong does go wrong in our heads these scenarios seem absolutely terrifying
even if the reality isn’t scary at all
if it’s really that simple why do so many people struggle with these same insecurities
to answer that question let’s look at something called a cognitive distortion
cognitive distortions are biased and often irrational ways to view the world around us which we accidentally reinforced on a daily basis
they can create anxieties doubts and fears by building upon a foundation of faulty assumptions and misinformation

in other words people over exaggerate and over generalize all the time
for example let’s say that you’re on a stage giving a speech and someone in the audience laughs
A laugh can mean a lot of different things but in this context your brain may automatically assume
That they’re laughing at you once you’ve decided that they’re laughing at you all other logical options seem to disappear
Another person very well could have leaned over and told them a joke
But your brain is so stuck in this negative thought pattern that it won’t even consider any other possibilities
Since you probably don’t make a habit of second-guessing your own brain you end up feeling embarrassed shameful and sad about something that may have had nothing to do with you
If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety and insecurity you may jump to these disastrous conclusions a few times a day
It’s very easy to assume that every negative thing that happens around you is a product of your own failures and mistakes
In fact these feelings are so strong that your brain will do everything it can to avoid putting you in a similar situation
So when you’re thinking about talking to your group members about changing the project your brain is worried about a worst-case scenario that essentially doesn’t exist
if you let them these negative assumptions can completely control your life so you need to learn how to identify and overcome your irrational fears

To help you do just that here are four strategies you can use if you care too much about what other people think
- Obstacles — Next time you find yourself backing away from an opportunity just because you’re scared of being judged take a minute to ask yourself this one important question what is the worst thing that could happen
oftentimes when we’re panicking about that worst-case scenario we don’t actually take the time to organize and think through our feelings
Instead our brains become a whirlwind of negative emotions like fear and shame that prevent us from making intelligent decisions
when your brain is scared of something it will always seek out the safest possible course which is usually to avoid the situation completely
If you’re worried about messing up a speech your brain will tell you not to give one
If you’re nervous about talking to new people your brain will convince you that you’re better off alone
but is that really true
By forcing yourself to answer the question of what is the worst thing that could happen you’re making your brain analyze those emotional and often illogical choices
once you slow down and look a bit closer you’ll realize that those negative outcomes either don’t make sense or aren’t actually that bad if you do mess up your speech couldn’t
you just correct yourself and keep going
if you start talking to a new person and they’re mean to you can’t you just leave and talk to someone else
because your brain is instinctively programmed to protect you it will make these kinds of mistakes pretty often
So whenever you notice your anxiety is controlling your behavior takes a few minutes to think it through and decide whether or not your fears are worth being afraid of - Flip the situation — when you step into any social situation it’s tempting to believe that everyone in the room is watching you
for example, if you spill food on your shirt you might start panicking because it feels like everyone just saw you do something really embarrassing and will criticize you for it
Psychologists have called this extremely common state of mind the imaginary audience
Since people frequently feel like they’re the center of attention whether they want to be or not what most people don’t realize however is that everyone no matter how well-liked talented or intelligent they may be is a person just like you
chances are they have their own set of fears and insecurities that they’re also worried about everyone else noticing
So when you’re concerned about what other people will think to try flipping the situation around if you saw someone else accidentally spill food on their shirt
what do you think badly about them would you think that they’re dumb gross or clumsy
99% of the time the answer is going to be no so why should you be worried when the same exact situation happens to you - Redirect insults — Imagine you want to become a professional artist but up until now, I’ve been too scared to show your work to anyone
you’re worried that people will hate or insult it so you’ve always kept it to yourself
one day you finally work up the courage to show a few paintings online you get a bunch of feedback some positive and some negative
Until one person writes a mean comment saying that you have zero talent and are wasting your time
The truth is that people tend to hurt others like this when they themselves are feeling hurt in some way
This situation is especially common online because of how easy it is to stay anonymous and hide behind our computer screens
When someone does bash something you worked really hard on it’s important to remember that it’s more of a reflection on them than it is on you
while this might seem like a very specific situation tuning hateful people out is actually an important skill to learn
while you’re working on stepping out of your comfort zone there will always be people who don’t like you
now I’m not talking about the people who offer you constructive criticism because negative comments are valuable to help you learn and grow
if someone tells you that you’re making a mistake but is doing it to allow you to recognize and fix your own flaws that person is worth listening to
But there will also be people who simply want to see you fail life is full of them so you need to learn who to listen to and who to tune out
This will help you to stop caring what others think - Understand yourself — one of the biggest reasons we spend so much time focusing on what other people think is because we believe our happiness depends on our relationships
we think that if we don’t win over the people in our class or at work then we’re going to feel empty and left out
These negative thoughts often stem from a deeper insecurity which tells you that you need to spend less time worrying about other people and more time getting to know yourself
even people with dozens of friends can struggle with anxiety and social fears because they’ve let themselves be defined by the people around them
You might have spent your whole life latched on to close friends and family so you never develop the independence or self-confidence to stop caring about
How other people view you luckily there’s a very simple solution take some time to get to know who you are as an individual figure out what you really like and what your dreams are
Because you might discover that you’re a dramatically different person on your own it’s much easier to overcome insecurity when you’re being true to who you are
So instead of letting your relationships define who you are let who you define who you spend your time with
I am sure you will get better results after applying and you will stop caring what people think.
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